Your brain craves relief when pain hits hard. Here’s how to give it what it needs, safely
When emotions spiral out of control, the urge to do something extreme can feel overwhelming. Self-cutting, picking fights, driving recklessly, turning to drugs. People reach for these things because they work, at least in the short term.
Self-cutting, for example, triggers the release of endorphins, the brain’s natural painkillers. The same chemicals a runner gets after a long jog. The relief is real. The problem is the damage that comes with it.
The good news: you can get those same endorphins another way.
Safer Ways to Get Relief
These aren’t just distractions. They actually shift your brain chemistry. Try one, and if it doesn’t work, move to the next.
Physical sensations that trigger endorphins:
- Squeeze an ice cube
- Bite into a hot pepper or wasabi
- Chew on frozen fruit, ginger, or lemon peels
- Take a cold shower
- Submerge your face in a bowl of ice water
- Hold a hot water bottle to your neck
- Put on sunscreen and lie in the sun
Physical outlets for pent-up energy:
- Go for a run or a brisk walk
- Hit a punching bag, a mattress, or a pillow
- Flatten aluminum cans for recycling
- Break sticks
- Pull weeds (this one works especially well as a replacement for hair-pulling)
Sensory and creative outlets:
- Use aromatherapy. Lavender eases anxiety; citrus and mint lift a low mood.
- Listen to music, loud or soft, whatever fits the moment
- Paint, or use body paint as a substitute for self-cutting
- Pour school glue on your skin, let it dry, and peel it off
- Snap a rubber band against your wrist
- Call a friend and just talk
There’s also a blood pressure medication called clonidine that some doctors prescribe to reduce impulses to self-harm. Ask your provider whether it’s right for you.
What to Say to Yourself When Thoughts Turn Dark
Sometimes you can’t think your way out of a dark place. When that happens, stop trying to argue with your thoughts. Instead, repeat a phrase that steadies you. Say it out loud. Write it down. Repeat it like a mantra.
Here are some that others have found useful. Take what fits and leave the rest.
- “This too shall pass.” (This was Abraham Lincoln‘s favorite. He lived with chronic depression.)
- “I’ve gotten through hard things before. I can do it again.”
- “I’m stronger than this problem.”
- “This pain is temporary.”
- “This is not the worst thing that could happen.”
- “I tend to handle things better than I expect.”
The Serenity Prayer, used in recovery programs for decades, works for many people:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
How to Get Through a Crisis
A crisis is different from a bad day. It’s a problem too big to ignore and too tangled for a quick fix: a divorce, a job loss, a court date, a medical scare. Something looming that you can’t resolve right now.
Crises don’t have instant solutions. But you can survive them while waiting for one to arrive.
Three things that help:
- Shift your goal. You can’t fix everything at once. Focus on avoiding what makes things worse: alcohol, drugs, self-harm, sleeping all day, arguments you’ll regret.
- Accept your emotions. Let feelings come and go without acting on them. This takes practice, but it gets easier.
- Change your surroundings. If you’re inside, go outside. If you’re alone, find people. If you’re sitting, get moving. A change of scene shifts the brain.
Write It Down Before the Crisis Hits
In the middle of a crisis, your mind goes blank. You won’t remember what helps. So, write it down now, when you’re calm. Keep the list on your phone.
Add anything that makes the moment a little more bearable: a favorite song, a photo that brings you back to a better time, a friend you can call, a movie that absorbs you, a puzzle, a walk.
The best options are simple but strong. Strong enough to loosen the grip, even just a little.
A Note on Suicidal Crises
Crises feel permanent in the moment. They aren’t. On average, a suicidal crisis lasts 60 to 90 minutes. That’s not a long time, but it feels like forever when you’re inside it.
If you’re struggling with thoughts of suicide, reach out now. You don’t have to get through it alone.
- Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org
- Text MHA to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line
- Call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 for the Disaster Distress Helpline
—Chris Aiken, MD
Director, Psych Partners
Editor in Chief, Carlat Psychiatry Report
