Four Steps to Get Through a Crisis Without Making It Worse
A crisis is a terrible situation that doesn’t have a clear solution. It’s overwhelming, and you don’t know how long it’s going to last. You may not know how to fix the crisis, but there are ways to survive it. Start with these four steps from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
Step 1: Look for What You Can Actually Change
Before we say it’s unfixable, look for solutions, or at least ways to fix part of the problem. Start by making a list. Do what you can and let go of the rest.
Maybe the big problem, like waiting for a medical test result or a job decision, is out of your hands right now. If so, stop wrestling with it. Pushing against something you can’t move only wears you out. Focus on the smaller pieces you can actually do something about.
Step 2: Let Your Emotions Do Their Thing
Allow your emotions to come and go. Let yourself feel.
Emotions don’t respond well to force. The more you fight them or try to shut them off, the harder they push back. Instead, picture your thoughts and feelings like leaves floating down a stream. Some of those leaves look burned or ugly. Some are strangely beautiful. The point isn’t to stop the stream. It’s to watch it flow and let it change on its own.
This creates a little distance between you and the emotion, without pretending it isn’t there. It works better than trying to talk yourself out of how you feel. Read more about this mindfulness technique.
Step 3: Make the Moment a Little Better
You may not be able to change how you feel, but you can improve the moment while you wait for things to shift.
If you’ve been sitting inside all day, get outside and walk. If you’ve been outside, come in, make something warm, and wrap up in a blanket. Switch up your environment. Distract yourself with something that takes a little focus but doesn’t demand too much: a podcast, a card game, cooking, a short errand.
The “ACCEPTS” section below has more ideas.
Step 4: Don’t Make It Worse
Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is nothing, especially if “doing something” means a choice you’ll regret.
In a crisis, it’s tempting to reach for quick relief. Drinking more than usual, eating to numb out, firing off an angry text, staying in bed for days. These feel like relief in the moment, but they quietly deepen the hole.
Think about the habits that help keep your mood steady on good days: regular sleep, a consistent wake time, exercise, staying connected to people, taking your medications, eating reasonably well. In a crisis, these are the things worth protecting. They won’t fix the problem, but they keep you from sliding further.
ACCEPTS: Seven Ways to Get Through a Rough Patch
When you’re stuck with a problem you can’t solve, these seven strategies help preserve your sanity while you wait.
Activities: Do something easy and absorbing. Clean out a drawer, watch a documentary, play a game.
Contribute: Do something for someone else. Getting out of your own head is one of the fastest ways to get relief.
Comparisons: Think back to a harder time or think of someone dealing with something worse. Not to dismiss what you’re going through, but to put it in perspective.
Emotions: Change your surroundings to shift your mood. Play a favorite song, watch a comedy, cook something you love.
Passing thoughts: If a bad thought keeps circling, don’t fight it. Visualize it floating past like a leaf on a stream.
Thoughts: Find a simple phrase that feels true and repeat it. “This too shall pass.” “I’ve gotten through hard things before.” “One day at a time.”
Soothing the body: A hot shower, a stretch, a slow walk, a piece of fruit eaten slowly. Your body can calm your mind.
Build Your Own Crisis Survival List
Everyone’s crisis kit looks a little different. What works for you might not work for someone else.
Here’s a sample to get you started:
Distracting activities:
- Visit an animal shelter
- Go for a walk
- Declutter a closet
- Plan a future trip you’d like to take
- Watch a movie
Soothing activities:
- Go swimming
- Try a scented candle or lotion (aromatherapy)
- Chew something strong, like ginger, mint, or citrus
- Stand outside with bare feet on grass
Things to avoid during a crisis:
- Breaking or throwing things
- Venting on social media
- Staying in bed all day
- Going to places where you’d be tempted to drink
The Goal Isn’t to Solve It
Time fixes a lot of things that we can’t fix ourselves. That’s hard to accept when you’re in the middle of it. But the goal here isn’t to end the pain tonight. It’s to get through each day without making things worse, until the situation changes or a solution shows up.
If one strategy doesn’t work, set it aside and try another. Keep a running list of what helps and what doesn’t. That list will serve you better than any single technique.
—Chris Aiken, MD
Director, Psych Partners
Editor in Chief, Carlat Psychiatry Report
